PreRun Report: Cheeks Out

Mystery run reports by hot singles month is proving quite a challenge, choosing my hot female singles were no issue, lots of long-legged, sporty, witty and willing single girls around.

This week however I was determined to find a suitable hot single male. I thought I will wait until the run starts and then look around for a single FRB – ok that was not as easy as I thought, first off on the trail and turning left onto the gas pipeline “oh my this is the way to Bukit Timah Hill” are we going that far – no, fortunately after a couple of yards it was clear it was a T-check! After some confusion and some very fast FRB (Mr. McGlue I believe) finding trail that was the wrong trail and a hare calling us “on back! on back!” so we could do the run in the proper order we soon found ourselves crossing back into what Mr. McGlue had found earlier – along the new pipeline works– then followed some neat checks in through the various vegetable gardens.

Coming out on the bike trail off the Chestnut track, I spotted my man “Mr. Potato Head” certainly a hot single and a fast one at that – I ran my heart out to reel him and finally after he was caught on another check on the gas pipeline, this time in northerly direction up towards the Zoo, he came trotting back. I managed to keep up with him for a couple of yards – long enough to gasp “I need a hot single – mystery run reporter – will you do it?” Reply was “I never READ hash trash so I am certainly not going to WRITE it”. Well! Ok so we write trash? Hmmmm?

Ok I was getting close to the middle of the run and had still not landed my man – I mused to Cherry Picker that I may just have to do the mystery run report myself but as he pointed out in a month of “hot singles” that could start some nasty rumours! So I scanned the front of the pack for another hot single and spotted “Shaggy Dick 2” He had also just come back from a T-check and as I sprinted to be next to him he ducked left into the bushes with a “quick this way!” and I thought “hey – this guy is hot, fast, single AND willing” but no – when I enquired about his services, he replied “I just did that for you a couple of weeks ago!” Well clearly a girl is not allowed to come back for seconds too soon with these hot single guys!

Now really at the middle of the run and no more hot singles in sight what is a girl to do? Then right up front I spotted my saviour but no – he is a hare? “No he is haring Wednesday’s Aussie run informed Shaggy – really trying to get out of it!” So off I sprinted catching up with my “knight in shining hash gear” – “Cock Radio – did you get married the last couple of weeks?” “No” – “ well then – will you be my hot single mystery run reporter this week?” – and he replied, “yes!” And so having finally scored somewhere on the way down towards Seletar Reservoir, over to you – my jolly shagman!

The Run by our Mystery Run Reporter: Hot Single #03: Cock Radio

Well, whenever I am approached by a good-looking blonde, it usually means 1 of 2 things. Either they are after my body, or they want me to do some menial task that they can’t find anyone else to do. Now that I think about it, it’s never the first option. So here I am writing this report. 

It was more than ½ way through the run before Cheeks Out managed to make contact and give me this task. I would like to say it was because I was running so fast that she couldn’t catch me. But I won’t. Well, there’s not a lot to write about because the run was consistently on lovely bush trails all the way, and so if I described one lovely bush trail then I have described them all. After the first check, there was a distinct lack of tarmac. One memorable moment was Mr. Potato Head falling down a hole despite the loud repeated calls of not to go that way because there is a hole. As someone commented to me, it was just lovely to run on these bush trails without fighting through branches and thorns and being bent over double to avoid losing your head. It wasn’t a marathon run, but it was a fast and sweet hit out of just under 6 kms according to Croc O Shit, depending on how many checks you did or didn’t do. The trails allowed for some fast running but the pack was held together with some good checks.With great runs being set at this site such as this one, the Yanks Day run and Ditch and Sweet Thighs, the bad nightmares of the infamous Irish run here a few years back are gradually diminishing. Well done Aussies!! (not that I am biased)

Cock Radio, your hot single male mystery run reporter of the week (ph 91692473)

The Circle by: Cheeks Out

The Circle started: With both GM’s present and agreeing to gather everybody into the cosily lit circle to the side of the road – starting at 7:45 Wow! I thought this could be a record – not so fast Boo The Mad Chinaman had a better idea so everybody was shifted back into the light and onto the road and then finally at 7:55 we were asking for “hash quiet – gather around”

What did we think of the Run: Hares Shoe Shopper and Ripper in the circle and everybody joined in a “bloody good run!” “f#@%ing good run” and one or two (actually that was only Cock Radio!) “run of the year material!”.

Tell us about your On On: Red Lantern the usual deal with added meat-pies and vegemite sandwiches.

Next Week’s Run: Blood Shit enters with a “what me? – are we having a run next week? The run will be at …. “ the rest was drowned out by a very rowdy circle and trucks and buses passing through the circle – well done BOO The Mad Chinaman!

Virgins: Only one virgin this week – Carol: “did you enjoy it?” she did “are you coming again?” She is! Our kind of girl – She’s alright she’s alright…

Visitors: A whole bunch of them – out of towners and in towners as well, welcome and thanks for running and drinking with us. Mr. McGlue, Teeny Weeny, Fuck a Wallaby, The Beast, Plunger, Tosser, Graeme, Spore Sling, Baby Sitter, Slimey Limey, Last Minute Dot, Mimi, Butt Wiper, Icelly, Knobby Boy Scout

Returnees: Fawlty Towers, Front Arse, Fanny. Must check this with Quickie’s careful records.

New Members: None

Milestones: None

Do we have a Hare Whip? Shoe Shopper enters the circle:

·       Calling in Cheeks Out for feeling her up before the run – was it sexual advances or was she trying to get a lead on how wet the run was going to be? Cheeks Out was definitely pushing the limits of friendship either way

·       Next in Tiger Lily for being a keen hasher – she was in fact so keen that she was 5 days early and turned up at MayFair, which is where next Wednesday’s Aussie run will be! So a charge to the scatty one! – (fortunately Tiger is so fast she still managed to catch up with us all as well as Mr. McGlue!)

Prick of the Week: Circle Jerk enters, he did not see many people on the run – did he run at all? But over drinks after the run one hears many things.

First contender: Croc O’Shit keeps hitting on my wife even though he knows she is newly wed -  tonight Eleven was showering and telling me she had forgotten her towel and before the gallant husband had a chance to whip it out, Croc O’Shit offered his towel – it was very small but Croc of Shit thought Eleven would look great in it.

Second contender: Coo Chi Coo: Circle Jerk starts the charge by saying last time I pulled my wife… (the rest was again drowned out by a noisy circle – but we can imagine) Anyway Coo Chi Coo has offered to be sugar daddy to Eleven and tonight he came and offered chocolate goodies around to Eleven NOT to Circle Jerk, who was ignored. Later he came back with pop-corn and again ignored Circle Jerk and not only offered some to Eleven but started chucking them down the front of Eleven’s dress – shame on you so the prick goes to the dirty old man!

Mystery Whip: Croc O’Shit

Facebook commentary:

Colin M Dailey: “When are you returning to the hash? Are you pregnant? What’s the deal? ;)”

Gabrielle Hyde: “Bite your tongue boy! If I’m pregnant, I’m coming after you. Seriously, top priority’s to root my daughter in all of her touch rugby matches on Fridays, and to bring her home thereafter. I may return to hashing once rugby is over”…. And that just had Croc of Shit worried about paternity suits and other more serious charges – so Sweet Thighs! Come back soon we miss you and Sweet Thighs look-a-like Harumi: drink it down down down down..

·       Next in Penile Extension for making Croc O’Shit an Administrator of the “Idlebanter Singapore Premier Comedy Magazine” … Does the job pay well? Does it have lots of perks??

·       Finally from the run: (At long last a life outside Facebook!!) Mr. Potato Head was warned by all “there is a hole” “careful there is a big drop” and he replied “yes yes – I know” “ yes – I hear you” and yet he managed to go SPLAT into the hole – for trying to set up a reason to sue??

Mystery Mystery Whip: enters Wanky Poo

G-M privilege: Cock Radio brings in Tiger Lily, Goody Bag, Poser, Dog Mount, Twin Towers and Eleven. (“Good choice good choice” was called by all the dirty old bastards around the circle!) a certain bar in Singapore was offering free drinks to ladies based on the size of their mammary glands, then Cock Radio waxes about having been long enough in Asia to appreciate …??? What small teats?? He got himself a little tongue tied here (gotta be careful where you try to put your tongue!) a down down to the variously large but perky teat-owners: They’re alright they’re alright.

AOB

First  in is Kan Not Kan

Second Ugly Bum. I have a religious joke: about an Englishman, an Irishman and an Australian: All three sitting in a bar and this guy looks familiar in fact he looks like – GOD! (now when this is translated into Malay do not call him Allah!) So one at a time they go and enquire “are you God?” when he confirms they buy him a “Newcastle Brown Ale”, “Guinness” and “Victoria Bitter” and God is grateful. When he leaves he comes across and shakes the hand of the Englishman saying “thank you so much for the beer” and the Englishman exclaims “oh wonderful I am feeling fit and young, my arthritis is all gone!” God then shakes hands with the Irishman and thanks him for the Guinness and the Irishman exclaims “praise the Lord my dicky knees are feeling strong and my warts are all gone!” finally God walks towards the Australian who by now is backing away saying “don’t shake my fucking hand mate I am on workmans comp!”….

Third (Editor’s note: Although not mentioned in the records, the whip could only have been Coo Chi Coo)

Phew – Cock Radio shame on YOU bringing FOUR charges under AOB if you want a slot as mystery whip ask the GM!!

Finally Ripper enters to “let it rip” with the whip, both GM’s have a go and most of us still have our eye-balls more by luck than design that but Cock Radio managed to Whip the Feather of the Koala’s twat! He is a keen one that Cock Radio!

A member is leaving us: Fawlty Towers going away – we wish him al the best come back and visit us often and give him a note F#%ck Off you C@#nt ..

And all the Aussies in for an “Aussie Aussie Aussie” drowning out the “All
Australians are born illegitimate..”

Circle closed: shortly after 8:30 - not bad at all GM’s

On On On On!  

Scribed by: Cheeks Out

On-Back to Weekly Scribe Reports Index.

On-Back to Lion City HHH homepage.