Cock Radio, on the Couch, with Knickerless

G’dday Pam, do you have a few moments?

Sure

When did you first join the Hash? 

Last century.  1984 I think.  I joined the Harriet’s first because I thought the Lion City lot were juvenile and irresponsible. 

Yes, not much has changed then. How did you get your name?

Why do you think?  There’s nothing worse than a VPL on the Hash.

Mmm, didn’t quite answer my question. VPL? Is that very pretty labia? Moving on, do you have a memorable moment?

Many.  Breaking my leg in 1985 and being carried out of the ulu by Peter Robinson (there’s a blast from the past for the old buggers); Coo Chi Coo driving that car he had, that one that used to look like a taxi, into a bamboo pole, which ended up sticking horizontally out of one the headlights; crashing my car into Mr. Ho’s van (boy can he scream!) during an on-site On on; swimming across one of the reservoirs;  hiding from Army tanks while setting a run at Jalan Murai ………  and all the others that I can’t remember.

What about your Favourite Run site?

They’ve all gone.  Jalan Lam Sam, Track 22, Loyang Besar, Lorong Gangsa, Echo Valley, Ulu Sembawang, Woodlands Street 41 (eh?) and it goes on ……………. Favourite had to be Echo Valley, scene of many Hash events and drunken debaucheries.  I remember one when I even ……………..

Sober? You are leaving us thinking a lot! What do you like about the Hash?

You can have a good laugh. As mutton, I can dress as lamb and no-one seems to care!  I get some exercise.  I see parts of Singapore I never wanted to see.  You can get guys to bare their assess for you, I had six of them at once last Christmas up at Bukit Panjang.

Might see if we can beat that at the Aussie Day Run for you. What do you dislike?

Nothing.  Though being a total wuss I do wish people would not set runs that require crawling through tunnels, crossing narrow bridges (thank goodness there aren’t many of those in Singapore) or climbing over, into or down vertical drops.  A pity there wouldn’t be much left after that though.  Oh, I dislike having to go to work on the days there are hashes.  And the days afterwards.

You just dislike work? Best ON On?

The problem is distinguishing one from another; I must have been to more than 1,000 in my time despite never going to the Red Lantern ................. OK, OK... has to be last Friday at Mette’s!  It’s the only one I can remember.

Yeah, by the way, where was last week’s run? Anyone you particularly admire on the Hash?

There have been many, say no more.  But let’s keep it clean ……..now I would say anyone still doing the runs after many years and at advanced age – the young (everything is relative) FRBs don’t realize that the old farts they write off as too slow to bother with are who they will be in a few years time.  Ha ha!!!

Take note Eleven!! On the Hash you should……… respect everyone and go with the flow.

Yeah, I like to go with the free flow, personally. Any food you would not eat?

I’m not too keen on fried insects, tripe, pig’s trotters or chicken’s feet.  You know, that grey soup with claws sticking out? 

I know the one, I once watched my 16 year old daughter pull one out of her chicken rice soup in a coffee shop. She went white, screamed and then threw it 20  metres to land on another table. Very funny, except if you were sitting on the other table. What is your favourite run of all time?

The one where I once found a check!  Otherwise, that one in the hills near Chiang Rai where we bumped into an elephant where we got lost in the forest outside Chiang Mai where I climbed that waterfall near Pattaya where we watched a flock of fruit bats coming in to roost at Jalan Lam Sam and nearly ran into a tank of crocodiles at Ponggol that one that finished on the beach at sunset on Koh Larn or possibly where we set off all the hot air balloons in Yangon but not to forget those wonderful runs round the farms from Stevens Road with On Ons at the Fishponds restaurant.

You are married?

Am I?

Good direct answer. Thanks.Children?

Not quite, thank goodness.

Not quite? Did you practice once? Could you improve the Hash?

Set runs that get the bloody pack in within the hour.

What changes have you noticed at the Hash over the years?

The average age has got older.  That sounds obvious I know but what it means is less and less young people are joining.  A lot more staid than it was.  Less stuff to gossip about because nobody seems to commit any Hash indiscretions any more. Longer Circles. Less chance to flirt.

Hear that GM’s? Less chat and more flirt! Any words of wisdom to leave us with?

You’re joking, I’m blonde.

Ha ha, very good. Finally, do you follow Boo?

Only if he’s just run off with the last beer.

Which he is just as likely to do to, hey! On that note, thank you Knickerless. I still don’t know how you got your name though!

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